Tuesday, October 13, 2009
I wish 'I Gotta Feeling'
I Gotta Feeling Video
Well lets hope tonite is a good good nite=))
Life is unpredictable and somewhat boring at times. Things that you want, you would be able to get yet. Things that you sure as hell wouldnt want, you get it. So life kinda sucks.
Anyway, despite all that I have said, life stills go on. And perhaps for me to eventually get what I really want. Sometimes what the things that we really want should never be mentioned so that when it actually happens, it will be more interesting and fulfilling then if I had actually told that to someone. Right? right? =)) Well at least that is how I feel.
I have learnt a couple of things over these few months, I mean I have been observing people in different situations and I realised the silly mistakes I have made in the past. Sometimes I would feel so foolish that I would shake my head in embarrassment, then I would quickly stop myself when I realised that I was in public. >.< At times, it slips my mind that I am in public. Aurgh..after everything is over, I will look myself in the mirror and ask myself, "Who am I?" Thats the one question that stumps me the most. I mean I know my name but what the heck am I on earth? Whats my life on earth for? Whats my purpose? argh. argh. argh. I hate it. I hate not being able to answer to my own questions. I hate losing. I hate admitting defeat. I hate being lectured.
Its a hellish world that we live in.
M
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Found the perfect car that reflects me.
Finally I found the perfect car that represents me=))) Excellent.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Deep down..This is how i feel.
Sometimes I wonder why I am so cold at heart. I look into people eyes and I dont feel any pity, any sadness or any love. It feels as though I am devoid of all feelings, especially love. From time to time, pangs of pity or sadness will hit me and I start to reel back so much in surprise that I find myself speechless for a moment. But Love? It is extinct. It never came back because I cut off its supply some months back. And all that is left in this heart of mine is emptiness. At times I would laugh at my own thought of being a super-soldier, a soldier who would kill without thinking, without any emotion to make him think twice. And each time the thought crosses my mind, my breathing accelerates a little, sucking in the air around more rapidly, trying to clear off that scary thought before it actually come true.
Well I could say that for a period of the time of this year I was extremely happy, I think the happiest that I have ever been in my life. I felt whole and complete. And then realisation struck me. How is it that I need people or things to be with me and only then do I feel elated? Why cant I be happy when I am by myself? Why cant I be self-sustaining in terms of happiness?
Every day I wake up, I carry out my routine stuff and I let my emotions run lose. I dont even bother to try to hide them anymore. Thus, I am usually not smiling. My face is usually just expressionless. BEcause my face will reflect what I am actually feeling at that point in time. The only time that I would have to mask my feelings would be during formal occassions so as you may guess, I HATE those occassions. For the very simple reason that I have to pretend that I am enjoying myself and socialising with people/strangers when all that I really want to do is to sit down and go to my own world of thoughts. My world is my only place of solace. I never get hurt, sad or cry in my world. In fact, after spending some time thinking through things, I feel much happier as I am able to solve some problems/situations.
However one thing is for sure, I always admire people with the perfect job, perfect other half, perfect personality, flawless social skills, etc etc. Yes, I do wish that I would be like them one day but for 4 months I have tried my best to be like that. To excel in every aspect. And evidently, I have failed.
Well, I guess this is where I belong. Always hiding behind a mask of false perfection and flawlessness. Maybe I will get so tired of this dirty stinking mask that I will show my true self to every one. And then I wonder..How many of my friends will stand by me still? It is a huge risk to take but one that I have been muling over for a very long time. Anyway, what do I have to lose? I am but a mere student.
Maybe this is God's way of humbling me. Hmm.. talking about pride... I realised that in life, many things that are separated by a thin line. Pride and self-confidence. Playful and childish. Insane and sane. It all depends on each individual human mind would like to perceive the severity or the extent to which each group would cover before it crosses the line. The thin and fine imaginary line that is pschologically affected by the way the human brain percieves things, situations and circumstances. It is all in the mind.
I miss the simplicity of life. I really do. Because when I was a child, I talked and behave like one, thinking that life is simple and full of fun. But that is never the case when you grow up and have to put away the childish ways and thinkings behind you.
ohh well...On a lighter note.. Happy bday Dora! =)) Thanks for ur treat to Thai Express. I hated that restaurant to the core the last time I visited that place. BECAUSE the food sucks BIG time! But today made me change my mind about the food there. It was awesome! I love the soft shell green curry crab, beef hor fun, soft shell crab tang hoon, pad thai, oh yes and the tom yum seafood soup!! And not to mention, the watermelon n lime ice blended drink thingy!!! >>>oh crap I forgo what else we ordered but the rest werent so interesting and thats why I forgot..must be la.. My memory macham very good one la!
teeheeez..hope u like the chocs!
MMMMMMM...nice song=)))
Cheerios,
Edward
Well I could say that for a period of the time of this year I was extremely happy, I think the happiest that I have ever been in my life. I felt whole and complete. And then realisation struck me. How is it that I need people or things to be with me and only then do I feel elated? Why cant I be happy when I am by myself? Why cant I be self-sustaining in terms of happiness?
Every day I wake up, I carry out my routine stuff and I let my emotions run lose. I dont even bother to try to hide them anymore. Thus, I am usually not smiling. My face is usually just expressionless. BEcause my face will reflect what I am actually feeling at that point in time. The only time that I would have to mask my feelings would be during formal occassions so as you may guess, I HATE those occassions. For the very simple reason that I have to pretend that I am enjoying myself and socialising with people/strangers when all that I really want to do is to sit down and go to my own world of thoughts. My world is my only place of solace. I never get hurt, sad or cry in my world. In fact, after spending some time thinking through things, I feel much happier as I am able to solve some problems/situations.
However one thing is for sure, I always admire people with the perfect job, perfect other half, perfect personality, flawless social skills, etc etc. Yes, I do wish that I would be like them one day but for 4 months I have tried my best to be like that. To excel in every aspect. And evidently, I have failed.
Well, I guess this is where I belong. Always hiding behind a mask of false perfection and flawlessness. Maybe I will get so tired of this dirty stinking mask that I will show my true self to every one. And then I wonder..How many of my friends will stand by me still? It is a huge risk to take but one that I have been muling over for a very long time. Anyway, what do I have to lose? I am but a mere student.
Maybe this is God's way of humbling me. Hmm.. talking about pride... I realised that in life, many things that are separated by a thin line. Pride and self-confidence. Playful and childish. Insane and sane. It all depends on each individual human mind would like to perceive the severity or the extent to which each group would cover before it crosses the line. The thin and fine imaginary line that is pschologically affected by the way the human brain percieves things, situations and circumstances. It is all in the mind.
I miss the simplicity of life. I really do. Because when I was a child, I talked and behave like one, thinking that life is simple and full of fun. But that is never the case when you grow up and have to put away the childish ways and thinkings behind you.
ohh well...On a lighter note.. Happy bday Dora! =)) Thanks for ur treat to Thai Express. I hated that restaurant to the core the last time I visited that place. BECAUSE the food sucks BIG time! But today made me change my mind about the food there. It was awesome! I love the soft shell green curry crab, beef hor fun, soft shell crab tang hoon, pad thai, oh yes and the tom yum seafood soup!! And not to mention, the watermelon n lime ice blended drink thingy!!! >>>oh crap I forgo what else we ordered but the rest werent so interesting and thats why I forgot..must be la.. My memory macham very good one la!
teeheeez..hope u like the chocs!
MMMMMMM...nice song=)))
Cheerios,
Edward
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Somehow or other i feel im able to relate to this song. =) It justs feel me. Sometimes in life there are things that cannot be explained in words only. It needs a rythym, a beat, a song to remind yourself of who you really are and how you really feel.
Well this is my song. Ladies n Gentlemen, this is BoA. =)
Maybe this can be a tribute to my colleagues and friends who are still in Shell or have already left Shell. To all my friends and colleagues at Shell. I miss you. And I pray that you will succeed in all that you do! I hope some day when our schedules are freeier, we would meet up and have a ball of fun once again. Thank you for all the fond memories that you gave me.
And to my bixia jiejie..thanks for being my bigger sister in Shell=) Jia you oh! Be the best counsellor that u can be=)))) hahhaa
Cheerios,
Matthew
>> darn its late >.< >>>>>> abit aprehensive regarding the treat that derrik is going to give me n karen tmr cos someone is going to be there!!! N im scared of that someone hahhaa... shall just act normal even though she may be a backstabber afterall. hah. =)
Oh no im having an outburst of ideas when im abt to sleep. This is bad! But i cant wait to go to changi chalet on the 31 DEC to celebrate New Year's Day! hehehee the chalet is pretty close to the old Commando Camp and old CGH.. Yup the old Changi General Hospital. I hope it will be an awesome stay for all of us! heeheheheheee!! Shall jio some ppl and then go explore explore, klkk like that ah, must make use of my 50 bucks torchlight...hahhaa i think there is a lot of dust collecting on it alrdy >.<
ok ok la..byebye.. muah muah nites nites =))
Well this is my song. Ladies n Gentlemen, this is BoA. =)
Maybe this can be a tribute to my colleagues and friends who are still in Shell or have already left Shell. To all my friends and colleagues at Shell. I miss you. And I pray that you will succeed in all that you do! I hope some day when our schedules are freeier, we would meet up and have a ball of fun once again. Thank you for all the fond memories that you gave me.
And to my bixia jiejie..thanks for being my bigger sister in Shell=) Jia you oh! Be the best counsellor that u can be=)))) hahhaa
Cheerios,
Matthew
>> darn its late >.< >>>>>> abit aprehensive regarding the treat that derrik is going to give me n karen tmr cos someone is going to be there!!! N im scared of that someone hahhaa... shall just act normal even though she may be a backstabber afterall. hah. =)
Oh no im having an outburst of ideas when im abt to sleep. This is bad! But i cant wait to go to changi chalet on the 31 DEC to celebrate New Year's Day! hehehee the chalet is pretty close to the old Commando Camp and old CGH.. Yup the old Changi General Hospital. I hope it will be an awesome stay for all of us! heeheheheheee!! Shall jio some ppl and then go explore explore, klkk like that ah, must make use of my 50 bucks torchlight...hahhaa i think there is a lot of dust collecting on it alrdy >.<
ok ok la..byebye.. muah muah nites nites =))