Saturday, April 28, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Tired
I am so freaking tired. I am tired of pretending. I am tired of having to live the life I'm living. I am tired of every goddamn thing I can and cannot think of right now. I am tired of being in this world. I am tired of worrying about my future, my career, my love life n everything about me.
Maybe it's because I'm not sure how my future would be like. I can't control n no one else can. Well except God of course. Maybe if I can do something right now, I wouldn't look at things the way I'm looking at them now. Everything feels so bleak. So unimportant. And the one thing that I want the most, I cannot achieve.
A car. At the rate at which the coe n tax price are increasing, I'm not sure if I can afford to buy one after I have worked for at least 2 years.
I feel so hapless n exasperated. But I don't telling my parents because all they going to say is don't worry n pray. And of course, with regard to the car, they would discourage me as far as possible to get one.
But after taking the bus to parkway parade just the other day and feeling nauseous n giddy afterwards, I start to consider and reevaluate how important it is for me to get a car.
Signing off.
M.
Maybe it's because I'm not sure how my future would be like. I can't control n no one else can. Well except God of course. Maybe if I can do something right now, I wouldn't look at things the way I'm looking at them now. Everything feels so bleak. So unimportant. And the one thing that I want the most, I cannot achieve.
A car. At the rate at which the coe n tax price are increasing, I'm not sure if I can afford to buy one after I have worked for at least 2 years.
I feel so hapless n exasperated. But I don't telling my parents because all they going to say is don't worry n pray. And of course, with regard to the car, they would discourage me as far as possible to get one.
But after taking the bus to parkway parade just the other day and feeling nauseous n giddy afterwards, I start to consider and reevaluate how important it is for me to get a car.
Signing off.
M.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Don't know why I feel this way
Sometimes I just feel like not going out at all. I don't really give a damn how I look and I just feel like a loser. Every way that I think of it..I just find nothing positive in my life.
I guess this is what people call as the down part of life..like in a roller coaster.
I wish I had something prominent, something to depict me. Like a car, a business under my name, a special phd or something like that. Something to remind me that I'm special, that I'm no loser.
Also another thing that has been bothering me lately is that I'm starting to realize that I've got no real friends. I may have realized that a long time ago but it just gets clearer and clearer each day that I don't have any real friends. And that might be the reason why I'm so attracted to the idea of getting a pet. A pet is a friend. No doubt it is pretty much a one-sided friendship but at least it wouldn't hurt my feelings. I speak as though feelings are very important to me..like some girly emotion of some sort, but it's actually because I'm truly afraid of getting hurt.
I guess this is what people call as the down part of life..like in a roller coaster.
I wish I had something prominent, something to depict me. Like a car, a business under my name, a special phd or something like that. Something to remind me that I'm special, that I'm no loser.
Also another thing that has been bothering me lately is that I'm starting to realize that I've got no real friends. I may have realized that a long time ago but it just gets clearer and clearer each day that I don't have any real friends. And that might be the reason why I'm so attracted to the idea of getting a pet. A pet is a friend. No doubt it is pretty much a one-sided friendship but at least it wouldn't hurt my feelings. I speak as though feelings are very important to me..like some girly emotion of some sort, but it's actually because I'm truly afraid of getting hurt.